Friday, November 26, 2010

10days~!

Til re-submission.. or really first submission of 2nd thesis draft.. and my check list is still pages long.. it goes something like..

1. Postcolonialism theories
2. Multiculturalism theories
3. Revise lit review
4. Input new media consequences
5. What's wrong with nationalism?
6. What is the significance of race?

and on and on and on...

Not happy. HATE HATE HATE STUPID THESIS STUPID PROJECT STUPID CANDIDATE MOST OF ALL. Abandoned twitter (again) and might never go back.. Posting pics on fbk.. and now I'm hungry.. T_______T

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sigh

Only a week after the completion seminar is over.. and I'm back to feeling uninspired, unmotivated.. basically just very blah and angry at myself... might be the relapse of hayfever.. as the day gets warmer and hotter.. my nose itches and it's making me cranky.. Or maybe I'm just running out of ideas.. I don't know.. it's already the final lap.. and I am sick and tired of my thesis. I don't want to look at it... don't want to think about it.. just want to get out and never look back. Not for the last time I ask myself why didn't I study facebook or anime or something more fun.. instead of some serious crap like Malaysian politics of identity.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Only 5k more to go and I'll have met the minimum/recommended word count. Yet instead of adding more words, I've been deleting as I edit. I really ought to stop editing and just crap some b-s and let someone else fine-tune the paper. If I had any ideas I suppose I could get on with finishing the 5k.. but as it is, I'm fresh out of b-s material.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!

I'm also torn between spending $$$ on one item.. or $ on many items.. You'd think after the thesis every other decision will be easy-peasy.. if only~! =(

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Hooray!

Completion Seminar OVER! Final hurdle PASSED! and so.. assuming I continue working hard these next 2mths+.. there is nothing stopping me from submitting.. so for the moment.. I AM HAPPY.. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.. Must be the first time in a PhD-related post the word 'HAPPY' appears.. LOL... I'm still riding on the High from yesterday.. so let me stay happy.. cos it won't last.. Especially after this post is published.. cause I'll be getting right back into the misery that is completing the thesis.. Sigh..

But for the moment.. I'm happy =)

Feedback from the panel was.. expectantly severe I suppose.. not unhelpful.. but definitely not 'wow you're did great'.. but more 'good, not bad.. BUT here's what you need to do to get DONE'.. but I'm not deterred.. I'm not gonna let that set me back.. I'm happiest I've been in months.. and so I shall record the moment.. maybe when things go 'splat' again (and I have a feeling it will be sooner than later) I can return to this moment and tell myself, 'I'll be OK'. =)

On a totally different note, realised my thesis progress has been defined by seven men.... Can you guess who?

HAHAHAHA.. Did I get your expectations up? I should clarify - it's really seven male music artists: Jay Chou, Mayday and Eason Chan. Funny that my thesis should be defined by music... or my life really, since I don't think I'm really very musically-oriented... (what CMG? =P) but I suppose music is a form of media..... so that could work I suppose?

So anyways, the details: Jay Chou was when I started.. Listened to his songs day in day out.. the kind of music that made no sense (because his lyricist like to write difficult words).. but it was all good.. after all.. first year made ABSOLUTELY no sense... and so it fitted. Lots of trials and errors.. trying to find how things fit (like how Jay often stumbles on his lyrics.. heh)

Then as I got familiar with my thesis.. and I started writing.. writing.. and Jay was NO GOOD no more.. can't write when the music wasn't making sense.. that's where Mayday came in.. pick me up when I was feeling down.. made my feet dance.. and dance and dance.. and once in a while.. sing.. =) and so I survived second and third year..

But in these final months.. Mayday wasn't right.. I needed something that was less fast paced.. because my adrenaline was turning into panic.. and panic became panic attacks.. I felt like I couldn't keep up with the beat.. my feet couldn't move fast enough.. what I needed was music that would remind me that Life is still gonna be OK.. tomorrow will come.. and it will be an AWESOME tomorrow.. But it wasn't Eason's lyrics that sold me.. it was his VOICE.. calming.. smoothing (except when he screams or sings high notes.. o.O).. like a pat on the head or a hug that I desperately needed but couldn't get because I was holed up at home.. so his voice will have to do..

So I'm still surviving.. with Eason's music running on my ipod as I write.. =)

74days to go~!

P/S Unfortunately Leehom got too hip-hopish for me in recent years.. so he got dumped (from my playlist). =p